Goodbye A

"Be mindful of what you toss away, be careful what you throw away, and think hard before walking away."

I saw that quote while browsing and suddenly I thought of that friend of mine who's been MIA in my life for quite sometimes now... Well, she's always been like that... Distant. Full of excuses. Problem bearer. But no.. I don't hate her for being like that. She used to be one of my best friends.. And I loved her for who she WAS.

As time goes by... we barely see each other... and there's something inside me that felt like she doesn't really care whether we'll see each other again.
Hindi naman sa tinatapon ko na yung friendship namen... Yes I'll admit I got fed up. Pero sino ba naman kasi ang hindi magsasawa.. Lagi na lang ako yung nag-e-effort para makasama sya... Oo naiintindihan ko naman na busy na sya ngayon... Ibang level na yung pagkabusy niya.. kasi nga.. She has her own family now.. but then again, ever since nmn ganun na sya...

Haha! This post is long overdue... Probably started it a month ago or so?.. Anyways let's continue this since I'm kinda bummed.

I don't really know why I'm still writing/typing this... Let's just say na farewell gift? Oh diba? hanggang sa huli bongga padin sya... Sya yata unang ginawan ko ng ganito.. Farewell na may gift pa?.. Psh. Labo. O sige na nga.. Magsimula tayo sa simula.. (alangan naman sa huli?..) EH adik ka pala.. The end na kaya yung start.. Mas magandang i-explain diba? (Ewan ko! Bilisan mu na.. Mamayang konti tatamarin nnmn ako.) Bulsheeze! Baby Wappy this is all your effin fault!!! What's happening to me?!.. Aiish! (TagLishGul ang post! Taray! Hahaha!!) Ay putakte! Mamaya kana mag side comment dyan! Buset! (same to you) F!ck off! (Chill men, you didn't graduated from an exclusive school to cuss around everytime you feel like to!) UWAAAAHH! Please get off m'head! Just stop! Or better yet, I'll make a new post and dun tayo magsagutan!! Bet mo?! (Hinahamon mo ba ko?! Easy ka lng atey, sige na tapusin mo na 'to. Go!)

Once upon a time, six long years ago, there were four girls who met each other in their school... Four girls who came together because they have no choice but to be together.. (Skip the fairy tale blah blah just get right back to the point.) You seriously pissing me off! (Oh! it's my pleasure honey.) Just quit it!

Hay! Wala na ko sa mood. Basta CARD'z yung kinukwento ko kanina... We came a long way... Ako yung D if it isn't f!ckgn obvious. So ayun, lagi ko naman sinasabi na sila yung naging the best barkada ko.. NAGING.. Past part.. Kasi para sakin 4 kame.. Eh since wla nga yung balahurang tinutukoy ko dito sa post na 'to eh wala nang CARD'z para saken.. Oo nagkakasama padin kaming tatlo.. Pero 3 lang yun.. Kulang.. Hindi buo. Ewan ko.. I might sound so mean as always.. Lagi naman ako nami-miss-interpret.. Di na bago yun. Hindi ko naman sinasabing napakalaking part ng A nayan sa CARD'z.. Eh kahit kaya wala sya CRD'z padin ang basa.. MOUHAHAHAHA!! Pero di ko din sinasabi na hindi sya kawalan.. Kasi nga as I've said wala nang CARD'z para saken... Magulo ba..? Eh sadyang ganun... Wala namang maayos sa buhay e.. Diba nga "life is complicated" daw.. Pag maayos yan isa lang ibig sabihin nun... Wala ka nang buhay! HAHAHAHA!!

But kidding aside... Nalulungkot ako... Sa kanilang tatlo kasi.. Si A nmn tlga yung ka-close ko... Si C at si R (comfort room.. Wahahahaha..!) tongueina nag-eemote ako dibaaaa?! Kidding aside na nga eeh! (Ooopsie doopsie! My bad! Carry on.. Wag mokong pansinin...) si C at si R matagal nang mag kaibigan yan... Well, kami din nmn ni R.. Pero kasi mas malalim yata yung sa kanila.. Kaya un nga mas close ako kay A.. Eh tapos nawala bigla ang bruha! Hindi namin sya nakasabay grumaduate ng HS... Dun pa lang ang sama-sama na ng loob ko sa kanya.. Iniwan nia ko.. Pero I didn't give her up.. Pinuntahan pa namen sya nun eh.. Sya nga lang ang nagkaron ng surprise birthday thing saming apat eh! Hindi ako nagkwe-kwenta or nanunumbat.. Nagkwe-kwento lang ako... Wala sa bokabularyo ko ang manumbat. Pag nakikita naman namin sya lagi namang nawawala ulit..alam niyo yung all of a sudden wla na kaming contact sa kanya.. Ni Hindi namen alam kung buhay pa ba sya or what.. Tapos magpaparamdam nlng bigla at kukunin na kameng Ninang ng anak niya! Siya naman talaga yung pinaka matured samen... And sa kabila nung mga namiss niyang moments with us.. Tinanggap padin namen sya.. Kahit na alam kong one day she'll go away again... And taadaa! That day comes... We totally don't have any idea where she is now... Piña check namen sa classmate namen nung HS yung house nila.. Sabi samen parang wala na daw nakatira... "ABSENCE makes the heart grow fonder... But too much of it can make the heart forget." Pag sinabi kong na-mi-miss ko yung isang tao.. Gagawa at gagawa ako ng paraan para makita o makausap man lang sya.. Siguro nga I can't expect the same from others... May kanya-kanya tayong coping mechanisms eh... Pero, ano ba naman yung pagpapaalam diba?... Ok fine.. I get it, she hates goodbye. I do too. But I rather hear the word goodbye than be left out hanging without knowing whether to wait, expect or give-up. Mahirap mamimili kapag walang pinagpipilian... Kung tatanungin niyo ko kung nami-miss ko siya.. The answer is No. Kasi kung nami-miss ko sya pinuntahan ko na yung bahay nila.. May balita sana ako sa kanya.. I have all the means to find out where she is... But I chose not to. Ayoko na eh. Nakakapagod.. Nakakasawa. You guys might think na sobrang OA ko naman.. Eh pakialam ko ba sa iniisip niyo? Pag kaibigan ko kasi... Gusto ko lifetime kaibigan ko sya... Kaya nga konti lang yung tinatawag kong kaibigan eh.. Oo ganun kalalim ang salitang "kaibigan" sakin. yung tipong pang habambuhay... Pero Hindi nmn till death do us part ha! Kasal..?! Haha!! Wag ka! Kaibigan pa Lang yun... Eh diba nga as I've said she used to be one of my best friends. Mas malalim yun. But I get her point she don't want me to be a part of her life anymore... That's why she left without saying goodbye.. Fine.. I'm wicked... I'm concluding without knowing the reason why... Bullshit! Nakakasawa na ngang alamin eh! Besides, Kung ayaw nia na saken.. Hello??!!! Mas ayaw ko na sa kanya! Hmp! Ako na bipolar diba?!.. Whatever... Anyways.. Buti na nga lang meron pa kaming dalawang kaibigan.. Siyempre the two of them has their sides din and I can't force them to let go and forget A like I'm doing... Syempre best friend din nila yung babaita na yun.. So bahala sila.. Haha!!

Masyado bang big deal 'tong buhay ng barkada na 'to..? Eh ganun talaga... Unique kame eh... Pero sa part ko... Ang nakapagpatagal sakin sa CARD'z ay yung sinabi ng mentor namin sa CARD na binigay nia.. Well I forgot the exact word but it goes like: "I challenge you to make this friendship lasts a lifetime." eh ayun..nung nabasa ko yun parang naisip ko na ang sarap lang kasi ng feeling na may kaibigan kang matagal.. Sobrang tagal na para na kayong magkapatid.. Naaalala ko pa nung bata ako... May picture si mama with her group of friends.. All girls.. Madami sila.. Friendly talaga yung nanay ko eh.. One thing na di ko namana.. Haha! Then i asked my mama who and where are the people on that picture with her.. Sabi nia hindi ko daw kilala yung mga yun.. Friends nia daw nung high school sya.. Barkada daw sila e.. Pero wala na syang balita.. Nalunkot ako nun eh.. Sabi ko gusto ko pag nagkoaron ako ng barkada di kame mawawalan ng balita sa isa't-isa.. So nung nabasa ko yung challenge ni dhad, I said to my self: "I'll take that challenge." But then again I was sixteen then.. Young, naive and foolish... HAHAHAHA!!

Anaknampitumputpitongputingtupa naman yan oo! Di ko pa nga napa-publish at natatapos tong post na 'to eh biglaan naman sya nagparamdam! May new acct sya sa FB! At ayun si ate.. Inadd ako at may kasama pang message na "belated happy anniversary!! :) miss you bhezst's" f!ck that men! Ay ewan bahala sya sa buhay nia... Pero it's so creepy.. Just when I'm about to post it bigla-bigla may friend request ako from her?! Psh. Anu yun..? Na feel nia??! Sheeze! Once I publish it there's no more backing out.. I hate taking back my words! Aiish! But for the sake of all that's holy... Fine. I won't forget her and all... I just won't be so attached with her anymore... Hindi ko na sya best friend eh! Hmp!

Isip bata, bipolar, multiple personality disorder.. Oo na, ako na lahat yan... Pero may pinanggagalingan nmn lahat yan... I'm so done making the first move to find or talk to her... I'm so done being her best friend... I'm so done thinking about her state of being.. I'm so done caring about her! I'm so done with her. And for the last time... This is the best quote for her: "if you want it you'll find a way, if not you'll find an excuse." goodbye A... I can no longer tolerate you... Thanks for the memories anyway.. Oh yeah.. You need not to worry... I know my responsibilities as Wayne's godmother. It's all up to you.