Busted!

November 26, 2011
8:11 AM


There are things I wanna say but I can't... Well, I can..but I don't want to. Can't get it..? Well.. What's new..? So it's a lovely Saturday morning... But I'm not feeling lovely at all. Got out of the house early and now.. I'm here alone at Starbucks Torre near my school.. And just so you know.. This'll the third time I'll write a blog here about here.. The last was undone.. And I'm not actually planning to have it done anymore.. I lost it.


Anyway.. So what do I wanna talk about right now..? Actually there's nothing.. I just wanna blog. That's all. And this is as you might conclude... Is nonsense.

Every Night's a Starry Nigh

November 25, 2011
11:17 AM


I was never that fond of looking up at a dark sky to look for stars on a starry night... Though I always love those sparkly thingies in the night sky... I guess it's the lack of pace that always hinder me to watch the stars at night.. I live in the city so star gazing was not that great with all the buildings and noise around.

I can't remember why or how or since when I started loving stars... But I love them! I fancy every color and everything that is star-shaped! And since I can't clearly see the night sky with wonderful stars from my room.. I made a night sky of my own with stars on it! Now every night is a starry one! I also love rain and if there's rain there's no stars... But now with my personal night sky... I will be able to enjoy a starry night even if it's a rainy night. I'm just sooo happy about this!

Life Goes On

So what's with me..? I don't know.. I just thought I wanna blog... But then.. I'm out of words again... There are more important things that I'm supposed to be doing right now but I'm too lazy to do so... Hay.

So what's with the title...? Hmm.. I don't know either... I just thought of that... See no matter how you hate life.. You're still living... For you to actually hate it.. NO matter how much you curse it, and no matter how much you want to stop it.. You can't. Cause it goes on. I wanna be like life. :)

Creative Shot

So I posted about my dilemma 'bout this creative shot of mine that will be held this Thursday, the 10th of Novemer 2011. It's a bit of a crazy thing. See I wasted hours and days of searching for a perfect outfit for that photo shoot.. See.. I just wanted to be so me! And my creative shots should be personalized in my own will! But there had been a lot of choices!

My First Ever Choice

It's quite depressing to choose from a lot of choices! What did I end up with..? Well.. non of these choices actually. I decided to spent not just time but as well as money! Yay! let's not talk about how much... The thing is I got what I want! But I haven't seen it yet... I'll get it tomorrow... Kepping my fingers cross... Hoping it will be the way I wanted it to be!

Back to School Tomorrow

Aw! Sembreak ends today! And tomorrow is my first class as second semester hit! This will gonna be my last ever semester in college! My last 5 months in St. Scho! No no no... I'm not gonna be melo dramatic for this.. maybe mid february... But right now I still got a lot to worry about before leaving SSC! My thesis is still a bit of a mess... The thesis defense is well... I'm kinda nervous 'bout that! Then there's still a hospital practicum on January! And I can never forget that once I graduate and left SSC, the real world will strike and get me. Then the ND board exam!Oh boy! Wishin' I can get through all that!

Lanterns are Love!

This was another fairy tale... I know. But ever since I saw the trailer last year I definitely wanna see this movie! But unfortunately time did not permit me. :(

Until today... I've watched it this afternoon! And well.. I fell in with love it... I don't know... I always love Rapunzel... Yet this story got a lovelier twists!

This is one of the twist... The floating lanterns. They're just soooooooo lovely! Aren't they?... Of course they are! Because... I said so! ;)

Romance is so wonderful! Ariel's Kiss the Girl scene in the lake was outwitted by this scene!





I wished so hard to see a live thing like this... :)







And then.... Tonight... While I was doing my usual internet hour thing... I saw... This!

Banchetto-Megatent Wish Lanterns

Wishes do come TRUE! And I will pursue this no matter what!

I will be there! My wishes will fly to heavens up above on 11.11.11 at exactly 11:11pm!

I'm Free

"This month, I celebrate my own independence!I choose to be free of all negativity, anger, fear, insecurities, jealousies - and any thought that makes me feel "less than." I no longer choose to live in the prison of my mind. I choose thoughts of love, joy, prosperity, and unlimited creativity and opportunities." - Louise Hay

Well.. I was just browsing the net as usual when I saw that... And well, it hit me! You know.. I'd forgive the people from the past and I just wanna be nice. :) And... Christmas is just around the corner! :) I'm spreading the disease called love this season!♥ 

Loss

Loss... It's the saddest word I know.. Sadder than good bye I guess... It's that kind of misery that can lead to devastation and destruction of several aspects... Probably the most painful. Painful than death itself... Okay... I don't actually know how to continue this post...

"You can't lose something that you never had"... Been there... But losing something that wasn't yours is a whole lot easier than losing something precious to you.. And it's not that easy to see or to think that that something that once yours already belongs to someone else.

Yikes ah! This sounds like a break-up thing with a boyfriend... Hahaha!!! But it isn't... Haay! I dunno exactly how to talk about it... You must be a member of my family to understand this... So if you're not.. Y' better stop reading (assuming...? it's as if I have a lot of readers...? hahaha!) 

Once I have a best friend... She's six months older than me... Ever since I was born she was beside me already... She's my cousin but more like of a sister to me... We are sisters indeed. We were together everyday of our childhood... She's a cry baby and I always stands up for her. We grew up together... Made dreams together... Made promises to each other.. We were the best of friends... I know all her secrets and she knows mine... Until my 2nd year and her 3rd year in HS came... Our strongest bond of friendship was terribly shaken... And got it's first and biggest crack... Because of a broken promise... Because of a filthy creature (ugh.. i don't even want to talk about that filth... :| but it's the reason of this bullshit!). That same year.. I felt that we've been torn apart... Probably because of the undying secrets and lies... I feel so stupid one time when she begged me to accompany her to break-up with that disgusting.. filthy creature. I accompanied her and I even nag at that disgusting filthy creature. Then just for a day or two... They're back together again! Secrets and lies piling up... The crack on our friendship.. Little by little makes it more vulnerable... I tried to fix it.. In spite loathing that disgusting filthy creature... I tried to bear with it.. I tried to understand my best friend. I tried to open my self... I tried to think that that filthy creature is different from it's lots... Believe me, I even tried to befriend that... But I failed. Because the truth screams and haunts... That disgusting.. filthy creature doesn't deserve my sister. But there's nothing to fight for... I once told her that I don't like that creature she loves not because of the same reason that our folks have but because that disgusting filthy creature took my best friend away... She didn't talk for quite long then she was crying and she said that her love for us (her family) is different from her love to that disgusting filthy creature... And I said: "You love him more" then again... Silence fill us in. From that, I knew for  a fact that she was inflicted with madness kind of a disease by that disgusting, filthy creature... I knew for a fact that it will be hard to get my old best friend back... She had changed so much... She became a stranger to me... And now... Not just to me... She became stranger to all of us... She made her choice... And she choose that disgusting.. filthy creature.

I never stayed quiet about this issue... I loathed that guy who stole my sister, my best friend away from us... I even got scolded for posting mean things or words on m' fb wall about that disgusting.. filthy creature. But I never spoke my heart out about her... My poor best friend/sister... Well, I hate what she did. I hate how she turns her back on her brother..her parents, on Nanay who raised her and to us all.. Her family. I was thinking what if I didn't let our friendship be ruined..? What if I didn't mind looking like stupid..? What if I did befriend that filthy creature..? What if I helped her sneak out or kept her secrets and lies..? What if I stood for her like before..? Would it made a different..? I feel so bad as I think of it now... I can feel her loneliness... What if she just need someone to talk to..? And she felt that no one was there for her... She felt alone... And I wasn't able to do anything for my best friend... It sickens me... But I have too much respect on my aunt and uncle... For me to help her sneak out... For me stand up for her.. It's absurd. How can you possibly stand up for something that you know isn't right...? She's the only one loving him.. That disgusting.. filthy creature doesn't love her back. And it's a fact. It's been proven lots of times. I might appear like I don't care because I don't want to talk about it... But it saddens the whole part of my being.

Just because you've known a person all your life doesn't mean you know them completely. 

I'm praying for her to come back into her senses... For me family is everything.. And without their family someone means nothing. Things may never go back on how they used to be; but at least... I believe we can do so much to make it better. We'll wait for you Ate Cheska! I know you'll come back... Just wake up from that nightmare you're in.. Realize your mistakes and be sorry for it..all will be forgiven... After all... We're a FAMILY.

All Saint's Day Traditions are GONE

I remember back when I was a little girl... I was never that fond of Halloween because I hate being frightened or scared.. And as a child... Ghosts and any scary, creepy things are my biggest fear (well.. snakes & cockroaches can't miss the list!). So I don't really anticipate Halloween season because all the TV programs are scary! But... One thing I love about it is it's one of the season where my cousins bond... I don't usually join them... Basically because I sleep in my lola's house and I gotta be home by 6pm or so.. But I did experienced watching scary TV progs and movies while our eyes our covered with either a pillow or our own hands with them. We were like crazily screaming whenever a scary scene is on!

The next day after Halloween is All Saint's Day... Well.. As I was growing I thought it's "The Day of the Dead" because that's how it's translated in Filipino: "Araw ng mga Patay". It's basically that one day in a year that we will go to the cemetery and be with the beloved family members who passed away... I remembered going where my biological grand dad's tomb lies with my parents, biological granma (Nanay), titas, titos and cousins... Then a long prayer being recited, flowers, candles and inking the tomb stone (which, take note.. i never had the chance to do!) I was so fond of watching the elders chant the prayer.. though that's kinda boring because we had to stop playing and remain silent... And you know when you're a child.., 30 or so minutes feels like forever! Then we'll all stay at the cemetery for quite long.. Half a whole day or so...

Our uncle used to narrate how our great grand mother tag them along to spend a night in the cemetery.. So my cousins and I dreamed to have a "museleo" to experience an over night sleep in the cemetery...

What else do we do in the cemetery..? I'll never forget how my Kuya Chachie taught me how to make a ball from wax... You know, the melted candle.. Haha! And since I was so amazed at him back then I tried really hard to make a ball wax (i just made that term.. I don't really know what to call it... haha!!) Then I taught my Ate Cheska the same thing... And we were like playing with candles.. We always wait eagerly for the candles to melt down.. And whenever a candle does..it's like a priceless victory! Every year we wait for November 1 to come... I remembered keeping a plastic bag full of wax underneath my tita's refrigerator at her store... Ate Cheska and I kept it there because we want to use it for the next year... See, Kuya Chachie told us that we can sell the wax! And yes, we believed him... That's why we really collect wax during All Saint's Day...

All in all I do love Halloween Season.. Set aside the creepiness.. It's like a family gathering thing... Though, currently as I think about it, I'm not really sure if the "praying thing on my biological grand dad's tomb" was done indeed during All Saint's Day or his birth day... Uhmm.. I dunno.. :P But hey! I was a kid! hahaha!!

So it was my second year now.. Or third I guess? That I haven't been in the cemetery on November 1.... The waxes are gone... My company to collect the waxes is  nowhere to be found as well.. I felt that all those traditions are gone in a snap... Yes.. We are all grown up now... Separated by time... Work, own family and priorities.. And distance my Mama and Mama Emie (the one who leads the prayer thing as I remember) are both in the US... Two cousins in Middle East.. So how do you continue a tradition without the people to do it with? What for...?

Kidding.. Tinatamad lang talaga akong pumunta sa sementeryo.. Ang init-init kaya..? Pinagdadasal ko na lang sila. :)

Mother & Daughter: A Bond That No One Can Break

Woah! So... what's this all about...? I don't know actually... Just some random thoughts that I had for the past years I guess... Then; suddenly I don't know what's next.. See I was out in the supermarket to buy some ingredients for my baking thing... And I saw a girl... Same age as moi I guess.. She's with her mom buying some grocery stuffs or whatever... I don't know what exactly they were doing.. It's not as if I care you know... But... Upon seeing her with her mom... I feel a pang of jealousy. Suddenly I'm on a bad mood. I'm envious. I miss my mama so much. Aiiish! I might sound stupid or reckless but I hate people who take their mothers for granted. It's not like I'm the perfect daughter or something...

Back when she was still here with us we don't always have the chance and resources to bond outside, go to the mall for no reason, have coffee at Starbucks, eat out or any other usual family bonding that we can do now... Basically she sacrificed her life so that we can live ours. I once said in one of my blog post (which unfortunately got deleted together with the old friendster account) that I never envision myself living away from her... Yet here we are... Living miles and miles apart.

It's been 3 years now... since our last hug... Since I felt her skin on mine... It's been tough three years... But we're getting pass through it all.. big thanks to video calls I might say.. I miss her. My mama..My best friend. The foods that she cooks.. The way her laundry smells.. The way she iron our clothes... Our fights.. Yeah I miss that too. I told you I'm not the perfect daughter. We can hate each other... We tend to fight and not talk for days. But still, love is stronger than hate. It's so rare to find a mother who is willing to hear your side of the story... You know when you're allowed to voice out your opinion before you get scolded.. It's a big thing. And I love how my mom listens to my pointless, non-sense arguments... And for the patience whenever I tend to raise my voice towards her... Which I know offends her all the time (And I've discovered where I got that.. Nako ma.. Si papa ang sisihin mo. Pabalang lagi.. Sa knya namen nakuha ni Ex un.. Ewan ko baaa!! haha! Nakakainis diba..?!).

We still had a lot of memories together though... It's just too bad I wasn't too vain plus I don't have the perfect devices to capture all those back then. I felt like I've wasted too much time not taking pictures with my mama but hey... God is good and not so long for now... We'll be together again!

"These things happen when they happen. It's the first lesson of being a parent. Children don't do what you want them to do all the time when you want them to do it. But you love them... anyway." -Eleanor Waldorf (GGS5E5) 

No words can describe how grateful I am to have Mrs. Dolores Velasco-Marquez as my mother. And right now my dream is to be able to cook and bake with her in our own dream kitchen, to go shopping with her, eat out with her, drink and chat over coffee at Starbucks with her and take a lot of pictures with her. xoxo